5 Months Before He Was Killed in Combat, Marine Maj. Doug Zembiec Wrote  a Letter to Keep Alive the Memory of a Fellow Officer Who Gave His Life
in Iraq

Widow Karen Mendoza asked her husband’s fellow Marine officers and  his men to write something about Maj. Ray J. Mendoza that his children, Kiana and Alek, could read when they were older. One of the officers who  responded was Maj. Doug Zembiec, a 1991 La Cueva High School graduate legendary among Marines in Iraq as the Lion of Fallujah.

Mendoza and Zembiec attended Expeditionary Warfare School together,  received their first commands together at Camp Pendleton and were both  deployed to Iraq in 2004.

Marine Maj. Ray J. Mendoza was killed in action along the Syrian  border Nov. 14, 2005.

Karen Mendoza writes that “Doug’s letter took some time to get to me, which I understood. … The last time I spoke with Doug before he deployed to Iraq this time, … he told me that he wanted to write the  letter in a good state of mind. He wanted the letter to be perfectly 20 clear, so Kiana and Alek would understand and feel their father.

“I did not allow my kids to read any of the letters until recently.  My daughter was in a speech contest at school. The topic was American  leader or hero. She chose her father. It was emotionally difficult for  her, and during the process I realized that she did not understand how  Ray was a leader. So I let her read some of the letters that his Marines  had written.

“The one letter I knew would explain her daddy the best was the  letter from Doug Zembiec. He nailed it. His words still send shivers  down my spine, because those are the exact words that I could now tell  his daughter, Fallyn, about Doug.”

Marine Maj. Doug Zembiec was killed May 11 leading a raid on Baghdad  insurgents. His letter to the children of a fallen comrade-in-arms:

Dear Kiana and Alek,

Ray and I had a conversation late May in 2004 while we were deployed  to Iraq. He spoke of why he fought. He fought to give the people of Iraq  a chance. He fought to crush those who would terrorize and enslave  others. He fought to protect his fellow Marines.

The last thing he told me that day was, “I don’t want any of these  people (terrorists) telling my kids how to act, or how to dress. I don’t  want to worry about the safety of my children.” Kiana and Alek, your  father fought for many things, but always remember, he fought for you.

As you fight this battle we call life, you will find your challenges greater, your adversity larger, your enemies more numerous. The  beautiful thing is, you will grow stronger, smarter, faster, and you  will overcome the obstacles in your way.

No one could’ve better prepared you than your father. In the month and a half your family stayed with me in Laguna Niguel, Calif., while  waiting for base housing to open up, I saw how, with the help of your  incredible mother, he instilled in you the essentials to life:

· Live with integrity, for without integrity we deceive ourselves, we  live in a house of cards.
· Fight for what you believe, for without valor, we lose our freedom.
· Be willing to sacrifice, for anything worthy in life requires  sacrifice.
· Be disciplined, for it is discipline that builds the foundation of  your success.

You will encounter misguided people in your life who may question  America’s attempt to help the people of Iraq and the Middle East. These  pathetic windbags, who have nothing so sacred in their lives that they  would be willing to fight for it, will argue and debate endlessly on  what we should’ve done.

While they criticize, they forget the truth, or conveniently  overlook the fact that it takes men and women of action, willing to make  a sacrifice, to free the enslaved, to advance the cause of freedom.

Our great nation was built on the shoulders of men like your father.  While the nay-sayers and cowards hid in the shadows sniveling that  nothing was worth dying for, men like your dad carved our liberty away from the English, freed the slaves and kept the Union together, saved  Europe from the Germans twice; rescued the Pacific away from the  Japanese, defeated communism, and right now, fight terrorism and plant  the seeds of democracy in the Middle East.

Your father was a warrior, but being a warrior is not always about  fighting. He was patient with those he led, and he understood people  make mistakes. He cared about the men he led as if they were his own  family. To him, they were. His work ethic was tremendous. But he made  time for his family, to enjoy life. He was balanced, at equilibrium. He  was an inspiration. He was my friend.

In your future, when you are pushed against a wall, in a tight spot,  outnumbered and seemingly overwhelmed, it may be tempting to give up, or  even use the absence of your father as a crutch, as an excuse for failure.

Don’t. Your father’s passing, while tragic, serves as an endless  source of your empowerment. Your father would not want you to wallow in  self-pity. I know you will honor him by living your life in the positive  example he set. Respect and remember him. Drive on with your lives. Serve something greater than yourself. Enjoy all the good things that  life has to offer. That is what he would want.

Kiana! I have never met a more capable young lady in my life. You are the most well-read, articulate, disciplined young person I know.  Often I tell people of the arm-bar you demonstrated on me in your  parents’ garage. When you become a worldwide Judo champion, I will say with great pride, “that woman nearly torqued my shoulder out when she  was 11 years old!”

If my daughter grows up with a quarter of the strength of your  principles, determination and intelligence, she will be an incredible  human being. Like your mother, you are a beautiful woman, a fact of  which you should be proud.

Alek! You are blessed with your father’s strength of character and  his unbreakable will and his broad shoulders. Your mother gave you her  determination and unwavering mental toughness.

Your mother told me the story of you hanging up the sign, “Be a  leader, not a follower.” My eyes well up every time that I think of you  doing that. My eyes fill not with tears of sadness, but of pride, to  know you grasped the mindset your father passed on to you. This mindset  will allow you to be a leader and protector like your father, and one  day, to raise an upright, solid-as-a-rock family of your own.

When I look in your eyes, I see your father. Courageous, determined  and resolute, your father embodied all that is virtuous in a warrior.  Even now, you strive to embody his same character. Remember, there will  never be any pressure for you to be exactly like your father. Be your  own man, but build your character in his image.

Many people may be concerned about your future because of the early  passing of your father. I don’t worry at all. Your dad gave you all you  ever need to become a great woman and a great man. I know your father  would have told you to be your own hero/heroine. Don’t wait for someone  to rise up and lead you to victory, to your goals. If you do, you might  wait for a very long time.

Ray died as a warrior, sword in hand, in service of his country, his  comrades and you, his loved ones. His spirit and example give us all hope, reaffirms our faith. Your father reminds us there are men willing to fight for people that they don’t even know so that all may live in peace.

I joined the Corps to serve beside men like your father. There is no other Marine I’d rather have protecting my flank in combat than your  dad. Even now, as I write this letter in Iraq, I will honor him on the  field of battle by slaying as many of our enemies as possible, and fight  until our mission is accomplished.

You will always be in our lives. Please stay in touch. We will  always be in your corner for assistance, advice or just conversation.  Pam and I plan to retire in Idaho and would love for you to visit us so  we can take you white-water rafting and mountain climbing.

Very Respectfully,
Doug

More Resources about Capt. Douglas Zembiec, USMC, USNA ’95: 1973-2007

‘He Was a Hero in Every Sense’ (May 17, 2007)

Marine Doug Zembiec Has Shown Perseverance from Toddler to La Cueva Athlete (September 24, 2004)

The unapologetic warrior – Los Angeles Times profile from 2004

Douglas A. Zembiec Wikipedia entry

“We laugh at honor and are shocked to find traitors in our midst.”   –
C.S. Lewis

This is from the ABQ Journal.com.

Take the current War on Terrorism… our enemies are clearly committed, much of what they do requires a great deal of courage, and one could even argue that they possess a certain form of honor.  So the question then becomes… why are our applications of Honor, Courage and Commitment right and “theirs” wrong?  It is not simply a matter of defining these three terms, but the underlying assumption of why they matter, and it can be summed up in one word: life.

I hold the value of life and equality of people to be supreme.  The Life Value states that life is the only prerequisite to all other values.  Consider that you cannot have any other value if you are not living.  It is, however, a dual value of self and others; the only thing that all humans value (outside of culture, religion and politics) is that we value our own life and the lives of our loved ones (or those we feel responsible for).

So again, consider why our versions of Honor, Courage and Commitment are right and the enemies wrong?  The answer is simple… they hold to the equality, sanctity and respect for human life.  All life.  Even our enemies.  You see, the reason we give an 18 year old the right to make a split-second kill or protect decision with regard to another’s life is because we trust that that young Warrior will risk his or her own life to protect another’s… even if they are an enemy (our ROE demands it, as well).

Why do we do this?  Because “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”  Not simply all Americans.  Not simply all people like us.  All men. All people.  All equal.

It is because of this belief that our Honor is clean.  We “support and defend” in order to protect and defend life (even though it is sometimes necessary to take a life in doing this).  Our courage overcomes what we might naturally want to do with what we actually will do… often risking our lives to protect others.  Our commitment is demonstrated in our actions and in our follow through; the “rightness” of each value that we hold goes back to that basic respect for human life… that all people are created equal and endowed with the same inalienable Rights.

We, in the military, often say that we “take care of our own” but our actions often fail to meet our intent.  Any value, misapplied, can turn against us, and though we will be professional and faithful in the execution of our duties, we must ensure that something as basic as a good “work ethic” does not turn us into a workaholic (impacting our home life).  In the same light, high standards must be appropriately applied to prevent and attitude of impractical perfectionism and micromanagement.

You’ll see that we had a “gap” in postings but that will change here shortly.

Setting the Stage

After World War II, America was the undisputed champion of the world. For a while everyone loved us, even our former enemies. But soon people began to resent us due to our superior attitudes. We Americans thought that was unjustified and ungrateful. In one particular country, the unrest was beginning to have strategic implications during that delicate time of detente. Dr. Humphrey’s job was to find out what the problem was and solve it.

The basic problem was that the Americans working in that poor ally country thought that the local people were smelly, ignorant, violent, dishonest and lazy and let them know it. No matter what he did, Dr. Humphrey couldn’t stop the negative talk; partially because some of it was true! As a result, though, the local people wanted the Americans to go home.

One day, as a diversion, Humphrey decided to go hunting for wild boar with some people from the American embassy. They took a truck from the motor pool and headed out to the boondocks, stopping at a village to hire some local men to beat the brush and act as guides.

The Village

This village was very poor. The huts were made of mud and there was no electricity or running water. The streets were unpaved dirt and the whole village smelled. Flies abounded. The men looked surly and wore dirty clothes. The women covered their faces, and the children had runny noses and were dressed in rags.

It wasn’t long before one American in the truck said, “This place stinks.” Another said, “These people live just like animals.” Finally, a young air force man said, “Yeah, they got nothin’ to live for; they may as well be dead.”

What could you say? It seemed true enough.

But just then, an old sergeant in the truck spoke up. He was the quiet type who never said much. In fact, except for his uniform, he kind of reminded you of one of the tough men in the village. He looked at the young airman and said, “You think they got nothin’ to live for, do you? Well, if you are so sure, why don’t you just take my knife, jump down off the back of this truck, and go try to kill one of them?”

There was dead silence in the truck.Humphrey was amazed. It was the first time that anyone had said anything that had actually silenced the negative talk about these local people. He says that his mouth dropped open and he thought to himself, “Good God, he is talking about the equality of life and all of these rich Americans are buying it.” This was what he had be looking for!
The sergeant went on to say, “I don’t know either why they value their lives so much. Maybe it’s those snotty nosed kids, or the women in the pantaloons. But whatever it is, they care about their lives and the lives of their loved ones, same as we Americans do, even with all our money. In fact, both in combat and in freezing prison camps, they hung in there after a lot of Americans was yelling quit.”

Humphrey forgot about hunting that day and followed that Sergeant, asking his two questions. Perhaps Humphrey says it best on page 49 of Values for a New Millenium:

“He told (or lectured) me that while we were looking down on those peasants and insulting them, it really embarrassed him because even though the villagers didn’t speak any English, htey understood exactly what we were saying. They could tell from our tone, and had given him almost exact translations on previous occasions when he had stayed with them overnight.”

He added, “You know, when we are making fun of them, they are looking back up at us there on that truck an dsaying, ‘Laugh, you bas***ds in your fancy clothes, but we don’t care how sweet you smell, or how rich you are, or where you come from. We value our lives and the lives of our loved ones just as much as you do yours. And if you don’t give us that, you have got to go.‘”

Humphrey asked him what we Americans, with all our wealth, could do to prove our belief in the peasants’ equality despite their destitution? The Tennessee sergeant answered easily, “You got to be able to jump off the back of this truck in your fancy boots, walk through the sheep manure to the dirtiest, smelliest guy in town, look him in the face and let him know, just with your eyes, that you know he’s a man who hurts like we do, and hopes like we do, and wants for his kids just like we all do. It is that way or we lose.”

Follow-up

Dr. Humphrey convinced his translator to help him interview some of the locals. The more they level with him, the more he understood that this equality-of-life concept was their meaning. What they all said independently was, “We are the friendly people in the world; but no one can tread on us.”

It was from this experience that Dr. Humphrey developed what he called the “Dual-Life Value” or “Balanced-Live Value” and from which the Life Values System is derived.

Human equality is a universal (Natural Law) concept, and it is the only unshakable justification for political freedom. Because we are equal as human beings, we are each entitled to an equal voice in the government over us. Political freedom, if you will.

If humans are not equal, then dictatorship of the superior persons over the inferiors is justifiable. Those who plead the cause of freedom but reject human equality actually plead a different cause: consciously or unconsciously, they defend preferential status and a license to exploit others.

As seen in the responses to Humphrey’s questionnaire, equality is something deeper than logic; it is an irressible feeling in each person. The disregard of the human-equality/political-freedom principle on any grounds will cause problems, just as it did in 1776.

- paraphrased from pg 46, VFNM

So if all this is a repeat of 200 years ago, the question of “What is Human Equality” still remained. Dr. Humprey figured that the best way to find the answer was to ask for assistance from a few well respected institutions he was affiliated with.

He wrote back to his scholarly colleagues around Harvard, MIT, and the Fletcher School of Diplomacy. Replies included comments about “equality of opportunity” and “equality under the law.” The American GIs and host-nationals laughed at those ideas as “intellectual suicide.” A simple glance at the circumstances and one could see why.

The Declaration of Independence

Going back to what one could argue is one of the most foundational literary works that our country is based on, are “all men created equal” or not? According to that group of “higher ups” the answer is no.

A religious person might say that, “Yes, we are all equal because we are all created in the image of God” or perhaps, “Yes, because we are all God’s children” or perhaps, “We are equal because God loves us all and His love and value of our lives gives them worth.” But not all religions agree so we have to step beyond even that.

A lawyer might state “equality in the eyes of the law” but isn’t that, in some ways, communism at its best? Don’t forget that there was also a misunderstanding of human equality versus economic equality with regard to this as well. The list could go on.

Mission: Impossible

Days went by, then months. Dr. Humphrey found no answers, but he did clarify the issue into two crucial questions:

1. How does one teach equality?

2. What, exactly, does human equality mean?

He eventually found himself going on a few hunting trips, and it was on one of these trips that the answer came from a very unexpected source.

Read about The Hunting Trip next.

The U.S. Ambassador said to not bother with a survey. Dr. Humphrey simply replied that, if it was ok, he wanted to proceed with questioning the locals, anyway. And he did. Those two simple questions were:

1) What do you want from America?

2) What can Americans do to (or not do) to make things better?

The amazing thing was that he actually got the same answer back to BOTH questions!

Respect Us as Equals

The overwhelming majority (upper 90%) of answers came back in some way to say, “Respect us as equals”:

1. Stop treating our women like trash.
2. Stop laughing at us when we do something you don’t understand.
3. Stop looking down on our customs and traditions.
4. Stop thinking your culture is superior to ours.
5. Remember you are a guest in our country.
6. Don’t assume we’re idiots.

Those answers all boil down into one word: Respect.

Note: When most large groups of people were asked to guess the answer back then, no one hardly ever guessed correctly. Five decades ago, the idea of “respect” in this manner wasn’t even thought of. Most were shocked when they found out it was the answer because they thought the locals really did want more money or for the Americans to leave.

Higher-up response

Dr. Humphrey couldn’t believe what he was seeing. It was actually too good to be true! In fact, it simply went back nearly 200 years to our nation’s own idea of “Human equality” – after all, he thought, “we hold these truths to be self-evident; that all men are created equal.”

Humphrey went with glee to the “higher ups” and basically told them, “Guys, great news! They don’t want us to leave. They don’t even want more money. They just want us to respect them! It should be easy, right? Our own ‘Declaration of Independence’ supports human equality and that is what we need here… recognition that we are all equal.”

The reply? First, one of the gentlemen (keep in mind this is senior military and political leaders) simply looked with that adult-to-child look and basically said, “But Dr. Humphrey, we’re not all equal. Some are tall, some are short, some smarter than others, etc. Besides, even Jefferson had slaves. The Founding Fathers just said all that equality stuff to enrage the masses and get cannon fodder.”

“Besides,” it was even stated, “we’re not here for human equality… we’re here for Freedom!”
Second, there was an ideological problem with what Humphrey was saying. To say that we are all equal was to admit that Communism was right (this fallacy will be covered in the next post). They didn’t tell the good Doctor to simply take his survey and go home… they actually told him to burn the results and never mention them again.

However, Dr. Humphrey didn’t want to fail in his mission, and he knew he had “stumbled” upon the key. He just needed to figure out how to get the GI’s to respect the locals. So he did what we try to do even today:

Cross cultural Day

Let’s have a cross cultural day! “Cultural Awareness Day”, if you will. We’ll invite the locals to a big party, and we’ll each each other’s food, learn the culture and then we will appreciate each other more. Well, picture the day.

The Americans were all about, “Come try our food! Hamburgers! Hot Dogs! A real Bar-B-Que! Yummy!” But what do you think happened when it was the local’s turn. The Americans basically said, “What? Are you kidding me? I ain’t eating this stuff.” (nevermind what hot dogs are actually made of, right?). And the fact was that very few Americans even bothered to show.

Ok, strike the Cultural day. But wait! We can do something better:

Learn the Language

You know… we’ll teach the American some of the local language, etc., they’ll learn to be polite, say thank you and all that and then eventually learn to respect the people and their culture.

Hmmm… what do you think the first words most GIs ever learn in a foreign language are? So that went over about as well as a slingshot in a china shop.

Mission: Failure

Doctor Humphrey did what any self-respecting contractor would do when they find themselves in an impossible situation… he started playing golf on the weekends. Ok, so not quite like that, but he did end up doing some hunting, and it was on one of these hunting trips that he discovered the secret to recognizing human equality and activating it within others.

I’ll explain “The Hunting Story” in a little bit, but first, a short discussion on human equality.

See you in a bit!
KermitJr

Back in the fifties, we thought that big money and big projects were the key to developing third world nations, and we only interacted with their governments on a very snobbish level. We didn’t want to connect and help the common folk because of several reasons… that would require actually talking to them and we nor their government really wanted that to happen. What do ignorant peasants know, right? We know what’s best for them. I did say this was back in the fifties, right? Nothing at all similar to today…

Americans Overseas

I’ve spent several years living overseas and have traveled a good bit on the side, as well. I try not to stand out too much wherever I go. I always say please and thank you, and I try to do it in the native language, if possible. I consider it to be common courtesy. Spend any amount of time in a restaurant that may be happened upon by Americans, however, and you’ll see one form of “Ugly Americanism.”
I’ve actually seen scenes in movies that came close. Basically, the American comes in with an attitude. They appear “haughty”, if you will. The symptoms vary, but they can range a great deal with phrases like, “Doesn’t anyone here speak English?” (Note the assumption that they should speak English). “Run along and get my ____ for me now.” In short, they are loud, obnoxious, self-centered, demanding and just plain rude. They think they should have “Hollywood” treatment because they were nice enough to grace these people with their presence. Their actions are such that it makes you want to pop up and say, “G’day mate!” This enables you to distance yourself from them and politely leave.

Can you see a similarity with our government and our people when it comes to going overseas?

Third World Countries & The Iron Curtain

Quick! When I say “third world country” you think of… and be honest. How about dirty, stinky, ignorant, diseased, and uneducated people? Living conditions are horrific. The whole place smells. Oh, and mud huts with animals wondering in and out. They do really weird stuff, too, right? Hey, most people tend to think something similar, too… especially us “cultured” Americans, right? Right!

Well, remember that thing called the Iron Curtain? We (the good guys) were trying to stop them (the bad guys) from taking over and spreading Communism all over the world. Basically, we had our missiles pointed at them; they had their missiles pointed at us; as long as nobody pulled the trigger, we were good, right?

Contractor Hired

Except that in one country, we actually started running into trouble. I won’t mention the country by name (it doesn’t really matter), but it basically comes down to the fact that they were protesting at the gates, yelling “Yankee, go home!!!” That sort of thing. You can imagine that it wasn’t going very well. In fact, we were running into trouble installing our missile base, and having some other problems, as well.

Enter Dr. Robert L. Humphrey. I’ll skip the biography for now (stay tuned, though!). He was a “cross-cultural conflict resolution expert” which is a fancy way of saying he helped people get along. Being an intelligent man – and a good conflict resolutionist – he decided to first do a little homework. It makes sense that if some people are upset that you should find out why, right? Right!

Survey & Results

Dr. Humphrey narrowed down close to 200 questions to only two: 1) What do you want from America? 2) What can Americans do (or not do) to make things better?

Fairly simple, eh? As a courtesy, though, he decided to run the survey questions by the U.S. Ambassador at the time and he went in and told him, “Sir, I’m gonna ask the locals these two question in a low-key manner. I just wanted to let you know and make sure its ok.”

The Ambassador replied, “Doc, I can save you a lot of time and trouble and answer both those question right now. What were they – ‘What do you want?’ and ‘What can Americans do?’ – They want ‘MORE MONEY’ and they want us to ‘LEAVE.’ So don’t waste your time.” Now keep in mind that this was back in the 50′s when we threw “big money” at everything. Read The Ugly American and you’ll see want I mean.

Dr. Humphrey simply replied that, if it was ok, he wanted to proceed with questioning the locals, anyway. And he did. The amazing thing was that he actually got the same answer back to BOTH questions? Keep in mind that this was the era of big money, as well. The questions, again, for you to think on:

1) What do you want from America?

2) What can Americans do to (or not do) to make things better?

Find out more in my next Life Values post!

It is based on the “Dual-Life Value” as presented by Dr. Robert Humphrey in his book, Values for a New Millenium. The book is excellent in its depth, but it requires a good deal of effort to properly understand the meaning of some of the things it talks about. That’s an easy way of saying it is hard to read. Consider it both “academic” and “philosophical,” however, and you will not be disappointed in what it has to say.

Be aware that the LVS is a work in progress. I happened upon it when listening to martial artist Jack Hoban give a “Warrior Ethics” class
for the Marine Corps Martial Arts Program. Jack gives his own description in a short interview with Black Belt Magazine.

Martial arts aside, I have used the Life Values System to help a lot of people understand more about the world around them and the people they encounter. As a Navy Chaplain, I often have to help people with their spiritual journey and, given my position, I sometimes have to do so without reference to necessarily religious material. I often use the LVS because when people hear it, they say, “Wow that makes sense.”

Dr. Humphrey used to explain his Dual-Life Value Theory to GI’s overseas where we (the U.S.) were having some serious problems (countries wanted to kick us out). I use it with people fairly new to the military to help prevent such problems and I normally get feedback along of the lines of:

• “Wow, that really makes sense to me”
• “You put into words what I was feeling deep down”
• “You clarified for me why I actually joined the Marine Corps.”
• “Our Core Values make a lot more sense now.”
• “I am of religion [insert here]. I thought you were just going to preach to us, but you didn’t, and yet I think we all agreed that this was the most awesome class we’ve had.”

Give me a few posts and I think you’ll begin to see why these comments are frequent. Hopefully, you will start to realize that Life Values System in the world around us and develop your own presituational values to help you understand your own world and the people you interact with.

The first dozen or so posts are going to tell a story, so start at the beginning and enjoy!

Hopefully I’ve piqued your interest a bit. Please come back as I hope to update regularly, and I sincerely desire comments and feedback.

Ganbatte,
KermitJr

Next installment of Life Values.